PhilM
Location: Salinas, CA
Age: 40
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"Only two things are infinite--the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." Theodore Roosevelt

"I'm not as think as you confused I am." Someone, somewhere, at some time

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Sunday, June 13, 2010
Feelin' way too damn good

Y'know, I should have known things would take a turn for the shitter. Actually, I kinda did know, but I think I was in denial. Ironically, it's almost exactly 2 years to the day from my last break up. I'm really thinking that happiness on the romance front is totally not meant to be for me.

Sunday, May 16, 2010
No, I am not dead

Wow, it's been, like, for-ev-er since I last updated this thing. Terribly sorry about that. Not really sure what to say here, but I suddenly got this urge to add a new entry. Maybe I'll start finding the time to keep the blog updated. Of course, don't hold your breath lol.

Okay, so quick update on the last six months or so. I totally rocked my midterms despite abject fear of failing. Last semester I slacked off considerably, however, and while I feel fairly confident I'll receive passing scores in two of my classes, the third one kinda worries me. Summer session just started, so a whole new set of fun has begun. Last week I turned in my two week's notice, as I have secured new employment (hurray for me!). It'll mean a little bit of a pay cut, but the change is needed and the new job will be a fabulous learning opportunity. Had a bit of a scare several weeks back when I blacked out (at least three times) at work. Turned out to be a combination of stress & seeing a co-worker/good friend with a bloody nose (she's fine, btw--just severe allergies). It was more embarrassing than anything else, being wheeled out of the office on a gurney. I have also begun seeing a lovely woman (who, incidentally, got the wonderful news that she passed the California Bar Exam last Friday). It's still early in the relationship, and I hope I'm not jinxing things, but so far it's promising.

So, in a nutshell, things are going fairly well at the moment. Hopefully it lasts.

Sunday, November 01, 2009
Sigh

I swear I think there's something wrong with me. Why do I continuously develop & hold crushes that I can not act on? The girl is either married, too young, lives to far away, a lesbian, just plain isn't interested in me, we work too close to together, or some combination. Not only do I develop these crushes, but they build, and I beat myself up over it. Maybe it's because, since I know I can't pursue her, I avoid the inevitable rejection. But if I don't have an excuse not to approach her, then I might actually do so and then get my heart broken. I dunno. It's stupid.

Saturday, October 03, 2009
Back in time

2009 - Washing Well Wenches 5I took a bit of a break from studying today. Well, actually, it's probably more accurate to say I took a break from taking a break from studies. I've been slacking a lot this semester--have to fix that. Anyway, it's that time of year where cute girls put on bodices and manly men wear their swords in public. I am, obviously, talking about the annual Northern California Renaissance Faire. It's a rather entertaining way to spend the day (though expensive, since there are a bunch of shops with cool things), so I usually try to head out one day each season. All of the usual favorites were there, such as Moonie and Broon and various preferred vendors. And this year I was introduced (using the term loosely, unfortunately) to the hilariously entertaining antics of the Washing Well Wenches, represented by Dotti and Ruby (who, I might add, are quite cute despite the stage personae). The whole day was quite a pleasant little distraction. Though now I am further behind in my studies. Oh well. The bodices made it all worth it.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Duncan and me

A few weeks ago I rented Marley & Me. I had heard many good things about the book, and mixed reviews of the movie. In all honesty, I found the film to be a bit disappointing. True, there were some amusing bits. But overall, it felt extremely lacking. While the title is "Marley & Me" and the ending is a somber one (supposedly) full of emotion, the story focused more on the "Me" and the family, rather than the relationship between "Me" and "Marley." Marley, it seemed, was presented primarily as a supporting character . . . a marketing hook meant to distinguish the film from countless other romantic comedies. When the inevitable ending rolled around, there was no real basis for the emotional connection that was meant to be present between the title characters. Now, I have not read the book, and can only assume that it fleshes out the relationship more thoroughly.

But I will admit that towards the end, I did begin to tear up. Sitting on my couch, watching the portrayal of a man making the difficult decision to let his "best friend" go, I instinctively found myself reaching down towards the floor, intent on scratching Duncan behind the ear But he wasn't there. As I've no doubt mentioned before, he's been living with my folks for some time now. With my work & school schedule, he was being left alone far too much. So my parents graciously took him in. As I choked up a bit, I realized it was not because I felt anything for the characters in the film, but because I saw myself in "Me"'s shoes. Duncan turned 14 this past July--no spring chicken for a dog his age. And watching that scene reminded me that it was likely that day wasn't too far off for the two of us . . . sitting at the vet's office, staring into his puppy dog eyes, making one of the most difficult decisions I would have to make. And saying goodbye to one of my dearest friends.

This weekend, it seems, that day came. Visiting my folks on Monday, we discussed how badly my baby has deteriorated. Oh, he puts on a good front--pretending like nothing is wrong. Which only made reality more difficult. While he periodically gets spurts of energy and wanders around, it is an obvious struggle for him to stand up. And even once risen, he stays up for only a few minutes and then abruptly plops back to the floor. My folks have observed his hind legs completely collapse when doing something as simple as taking a single step (2-3") down out the door. And his breathing is noticeably labored even while laying down. Our vet has commented more than once about how I can "read" Duncan . . . I know him so well that despite his best efforts at hiding things I can usually tell when something is wrong. As I looked into his face, and he gave me a big doggy-style smile as if to say "Dude, it's cool--I'm happy to see you" all I could see was the sadness in his eyes. It was the "I hurt, but I don't want you to see it and feel bad" look.

Today I say thank you for 14 years of unconditional love and friendship. Today I say goodbye to the best damn 4-legged friend a guy could ever ask for.

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