And she's always on my mind . . .
I've been thinking a lot about K (the ex) quite a bit lately. It's rather annoying, both for me and those around me. My mood is markedly down, and I've even been rather an arse to some of my friends. This is a bad thing. Fortunately, I have some pretty good friends, who are willing to forgive me even without knowing the details of why my mood is so pissy. But unfortunately, I can not seem to shake her out of my head and I'm not entirely sure why.
Perhaps it's simply a delayed reaction from being dumped by the first girl I said "I love you" to.
Perhaps it's that our (would be) anniversary is coming up.
Perhaps it's stumbling across the Valentine's card she gave me while trying to clean house.
Perhaps it's the commercials for Downtown Ice reminding me of taking her there last year because I knew she loved skating.
Perhaps it's being invited to a co-worker's place for lunch, and discovering on the way that he lives half a block down from her apartment.
Perhaps it's getting 80 pages into a new book before finding out that one of the main characters has her name.
Perhaps it's turning 38 and realizing that my love life has been absolutely pathetic except for when I was with her.
Perhaps it's getting a new DVD of a fabulous movie, then thinking the whole time while watching it about seeing it in theaters with her and the way she squirmed and squealed and covered her eyes at a certain scene.
Perhaps it's the fact that "K" is a frequently used abbreviation in one of my classes.
Or perhaps it's all of the above, hitting me all within a short time.
I really don't know the full "why". All I do know is that it's damn distracting. And depressing. And it needs to stop. But I just can't seem to do it. Honestly, whoever came up with the whole "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" was an idiot. I've experienced both, and I believe the former to be worse.
Posted at 11/26/2008 8:24:34 am by PhilM